


love be brave

by orphan_account



Category: VIXX
Genre: Gender Identity, Genderfluid, Genderfluid Character, Other, Rimming
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-10-23
Updated: 2015-10-23
Packaged: 2018-04-27 16:44:18
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,301
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5056153
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>prompt from ask.fm, genderfluid taekwoon with supportive and loving hakyeon.</p>
            </blockquote>





	love be brave

'Oppa,' Taekwoon says. There's no response, and Taekwoon frowns, sitting sideways on the end of their bed next to the blankets she kicked off in the night. Light slips past the half closed drapes, stretching softly across the skin of Hakyeon's ankle to pool on Taekwoon's lap. The air is thick and almost uncomfortably warm and Taekwoon coughs quietly before calling again, 'oppa.'

Still, Hakyeon doesn't move, not even when she sets her hand on his exposed calf and shakes it gently, not even as she slides her hands up until they reach his thighs. After a few moments, she twists away, clambering inelegantly to her feet to make her way to the window and open the drapes completely, welcome the sun on the bare stretch of collarbone her shirt doesn't quite cover. It has been a long week; maybe it wouldn't hurt to let Hakyeon sleep.

She is halfway through her shower when the bathroom door clicks open and Hakyeon pokes his head through the gap; sleep mussed hair, a sheepish expression, bright eyes and faint creases on his cheeks from sleep. 'Is there room for one more?' he asks, and Taekwoon nods, pushing the shower curtain back just slightly to watch as Hakyeon strips off his sleep pants and quickly ￼brushes his teeth.

'You can do that in here, you know,' she says, and Hakyeon waves his hand at her before spitting.

'I'd rather have other things in my mouth,' he says, glancing up to wink at Taekwoon in the mirror, and Taekwoon flushes, hiding her face behind soapy hands.

'Oppa,' she whines, smiling at how Hakyeon shivers. She hates being cute around the others, choosing instead to gesture helplessly at Sanghyuk or Jaehwan when it is brought up in interviews, but here, in the confines of a space only the two of them can enter, Taekwoon lets herself relax. It isn't scary when it is just Hakyeon. He is the only one she has ever met who hasn't expected her to be anyone other than Taekwoon.

Hakyeon cups his hands under the running tap before bringing them to his mouth to rinse. Taekwoon finishes rinsing the conditioner out of her hair, half wondering if she will have to wash it again, half wishing Hakyeon would just hurry up and join her before the water runs cold. The hotel is one of the nicer ones they've stayed at, but even then, hot water is still too precious to waste, especially when it makes Hakyeon's touches feel that much more soothing.

Taekwoon washes the last of the lingering suds off her chest and arms. Outside, Hakyeon turns off the tap and dries his hands. There's heat pooling at the base of Taekwoon's belly, her cock starting to stir as Hakyeon sticks his head in, fringe already wet from washing his face. 'Come here,' Taekwoon says, and Hakyeon ducks his head down to hide his smile as he clambers in after her, closing the thin curtain behind him. He's already hard, and Taekwoon scoffs, reaching out to flick gently at the tip before Hakyeon bats her hand away.

'Taekwoonie,' Hakyeon says, his voice coming out as a low pitched whine. Taekwoon laughs and reaches for him, pulling him close until he is flush to Taekwoon's front, her own cock stiffening as Hakyeon reaches up to kiss at the underside of her jaw and lick at the sprawl of her skin. 'Good morning,' he mumbles, his lips still sticky from toothpaste and catching on her skin.

'Morning,' Taekwoon says, reaching up to run her hands through Hakyeon's hair. The shower rains down on them, Hakyeon's skin contrasting sharply against hers in the brightly lit space, and Taekwoon thinks he looks beautiful like this, eyes still sleepy and half closed as he kisses his way across her face, his hands rubbing gently at her sides. He always does this when she's like this; always goes out of his way to smooth his hands over the curves Taekwoon doesn't quite have, treat her not more gently but instead more firmly. Like she is really there, not some figment they'll soon forget.

Once, Hakyeon had brought home a small selection of clothes, a bag of workout clothing with cuts intended for women, a bag of skirts at different lengths. A small makeup case with makeup in autumn colours for Taekwoon to use when they're alone. Taekwoon hadn't quite known what to do with it, but Hakyeon hadn't pressed; he had just hung up the clothes at the back of his closet, organizing them by function and colour, kissing Taekwoon softly before they stopped to look at it together.

Taekwoon doesn't need the extra clothes. She knows who she is. But the gesture meant more to her than the clothes themselves--when she expected Hakyeon to run from her, he had instead burrowed closer, slowly but intently carving a space for himself in her life that no one else could touch. 'I fell in love with all of you,' he had said, sprawled out on their bedrolls, eyes shut and breathing steady even as Taekwoon's had stuttered and stalled. 'I fell in love with every part of you, even those you hadn't shown me yet. You aren't going to lose me now.'

Taekwoon had slipped away, then, handed the kids money to go see a movie, telling them that Hakyeon was unwell and needed the quiet for a bit. Then, wearing the berry lipstick Hakyeon had ￼bought for her, the one he had handed to her after sheepishly admitting that he thought it would look nice against her pale skin, she had sucked his cock until tears formed in his eyes and he was begging her for release, straining against the grip she kept on the base of his cock.

She had kept him like that for an hour, his bangs matted to his forehead with sweat and his hands wound through her hair. She liked it when he pulled; she liked the way it never let her forget he was there, that she was where he wanted her to be. Hakyeon's voice cracked on the moan that followed his release, and Taekwoon had tucked the sound inside herself, knowing it was hers and hers alone. She'd come not long after, her come streaking across Hakyeon's bare hip, and she'd almost gotten hard again at the sight of Hakyeon feeding himself her come, sucking on his fingers until every trace was gone.

Now, with his mouth pressed to hers, Taekwoon hisses, trying to angle her hips so that her cock knocks gently against his. Hakyeon chuckles, his mouth opening against hers as she bucks against him, trying to get some sort of friction from his water slick skin. There's nothing there, and she whines, licking into his mouth before trying to reach for both their cocks, but Hakyeon bats her hand away. 'Not yet,' he says, and Taekwoon steps on his foot, smiling at the grunt of pain that follows. 'Taekwoonie,' Hakyeon says, his voice tinged with warning, and Taekwoon's smile grows wider as she leans down to lick the water off Hakyeon's collarbone.

'Please, oppa,' she says, and Hakyeon shivers, running his hands down her back until they reach her ass. He kneads the skin there, occasionally smoothing his palms over her ass, and as much as Taekwoon would love to spend forever under the shower head with Hakyeon's hands on her body, they're supposed to be meeting the kids for lunch in an hour, and Taekwoon doesn't want to waste their time like this, not when there could be orgasms involved.

She bucks against him again, impatiently, and Hakyeon laughs, spreading her open and smoothing the pads of his fingers over her hole. He reaches away only to grab the closest body wash available--one of the horrid ones Taekwoon hates but Hakyeon buys in bulk for himself, the scents overwhelmingly sweet to Taekwoon's nose--and pours some on his hands, distracting Taekwoon with a series of kisses that make Taekwoon's knees go weak. Hakyeon bites down on her lower lip just as his fingers start smoothing the body wash over her hole, cleaning her, and Taekwoon groans, pressing back against Hakyeon as two of his fingers slip inside her.

'I haven't eaten your cunt out in a while, have I?' Hakyeon asks, his lips brushing against Taekwoon's, and she shakes her head, words beyond her as Hakyeon's fingers slip in and out, a steady rhythm that has Taekwoon wanting more. 'How remiss of me,' Hakyeon says, following the curve of Taekwoon's jaw to bite at her earlobe, wring a small cry from her mouth. He stays like that, kissing patches of skin along her jaw, behind her ear, and Taekwoon feels the tension start to drain from her body.

The first time Hakyeon had done this, Taekwoon had felt shame more strongly than anything else; the pleasure had been lost on her under the weight of all her worries--was she clean enough, what if she wasn't, what if she did something to make Hakyeon uncomfortable. Even when Hakyeon had fucked her with his tongue, she'd stayed soft, staring at the ceiling over their bedrolls with her hands knotted in the sheets, the stress in her thighs turning quickly to strain. When Hakyeon had looked up, his chin slick with his own saliva, she'd not known where to look in return. He had smiled at her, softly, one hand reaching up to skim along her side while the other massaged at one of her legs, trying to loosen the stiff muscles there.

'If you don't want it, it's okay,' Hakyeon had whispered, making his way up the bed to curl around her side. 'I'm sorry for making you do something you don't want to do.' Taekwoon had shaken her head; it's not that she didn't want to, she just wasn't ready, but putting her thoughts into words was beyond her. Her cheeks were warm and she was sure they were bright red. More than anything, ￼she had wanted to run away. 

'Hey,' Hakyeon had said, one of his hands coming up to rest on her cheek and turn her face towards his. When she had closed her eyes, he hadn't said anything, just let his thumb skim across her cheek, brush against her eyelashes. 'This is something I want to do for you, but if you don't want it, then I won't do it, okay?' Hakyeon had paused then to pull her closer; what Taekwoon remembers most strongly is how loud her heartbeat had been, echoing throughout her body. 'If you're embarrassed, or worried, please don't be. Nothing you do, no bodily function, could make me love you less, okay?' Taekwoon had nodded, shortly, and Hakyeon had chuckled. 'Just think of every disaster as a story to laugh about later, okay?'

Later, Hakyeon tells her about his disastrous firsts, seconds, thirds with boys in high school, and Taekwoon tries to remember that Hakyeon never says something he doesn't mean. He might say too much, stick too close, at times, but he always means it, even if Taekwoon isn't ready to accept it.

Now, Hakyeon has her turned around, her hands pressed flat against the shower wall as her head tips forward to rest between them. Hakyeon nudges her legs apart, biting softly at her exposed inner thigh, and Taekwoon keens--a long, embarrassing sound, one that pulls a chuckle from Hakyeon as he inches closer on his knees. He carefully spreads her cheeks before licking across her hole, the tip of his tongue catching gently on the rim as he nudges closer, his tongue pressing harder. Taekwoon moans, her feet shifting further apart as she presses closer to the wall, looking for some sort of friction against her cock as Hakyeon starts to lick more earnestly, fuck her with just the tip of his tongue. 'Come on,' she says, panting, trying to keep her hips still as Hakyeon tightens his grip on her ass, holding her open and vulnerable. 'Please, oppa, don't tease.'

Hakyeon pulls away, pressing a kiss to the small of her back before blowing across her hole. Taekwoon's head knocks against the wall, water still streaming down her back and sides as Hakyeon noses his way down the small of her back, the curve of her ass.

'Please,' she says again, and Hakyeon presses one last kiss to her skin before pushing his tongue inside her, fucking Taekwoon with it as deeply as he can, and she groans, her hands curling into fists as one of Hakyeon's fingers works its way inside alongside Hakyeon's tongue. Soon, Hakyeon has three fingers fucking in and out, running counterpoint to his tongue and Taekwoon feels as though Hakyeon has stolen all the air from her lungs; she's panting, desperate, but when her lungs fill it isn't satisfying, not in the same way that Hakyeon's touch is, the way he moans into her ass and keeps pushing for more.

When her legs start to shake, Hakyeon lets her slide down against the wall, tip her head back against his shoulder and lean in for a kiss. 'Oppa,' she says, and Hakyeon presses a smile into the side of her neck as he reaches down to stroke at her cock. She works her hands behind herself, maps out the planes of Hakyeon's chest as her hands search for his cock in turn, and when she finds it he stiffens before curling closer to her and rutting against the small of her back, keeping pace with his hands as they jerk her off.

She comes first, but Hakyeon follows soon after, hugging her to his chest as he thrusts against her, her hands caught between them, useless. The shower is large enough that when Hakyeon pulls her to lie down with him, she follows easily, twisting in his grasp until she’s facing him, her hands tracing his chest, her lips pressed to his. They have time.

\---

‘Hyung,’ Sanghyuk says, pointing at the banchan to the left of Taekwoon’s elbow. When Taekwoon doesn’t respond, Sanghyuk rolls his eyes, reaching across the table to grab the dish, his sleeve dragging across the surface of Wonshik’s jjigae in the process. Taekwoon can hear Wonshik say something back, and Sanghyuk start squabbling in return, but all Taekwoon can think about is hyung, and how much he has gotten used to hiding.

￼Hakyeon takes her lead in these things, reminds her that even if Taekwoon is having one of what Hakyeon has started referring to as her girl days, the kids calling her hyung doesn’t mean Taekwoon is anything but what she says she is, that Taekwoon’s feelings are valid as they are, that Taekwoon is exactly who she is in that moment and no one else’s opinion matters. Taekwoon knows these things; she’s spent years with herself burning them into her bones, keeping them safe for herself when no one else would. She’s learned not to tell people unless they have to know, learned not to ask her family if she’s normal. But somehow having Hakyeon at her side, repeating out loud the same things she says to herself in the middle of the night in silence when everyone else is asleep—it makes things feel less heavy.

Still, Sanghyuk’s eyes don’t fall away from Taekwoon, and soon Jaehwan starts staring, too. Taekwoon can hear Hakyeon making excuses for her, saying something about her condition being poor, but Taekwoon is tired of this, too. It's such a common lie that neither of them blink as they tell it. They’ve agreed that now is not the time to tell the kids, but even just saying that makes Taekwoon wonder if there will ever be a time to tell them, or if Taekwoon will have to carry this in silence all her life, with or without Hakyeon there to share the burden. She’s not so naive as to think what they have will last forever; she hopes it will, but that is a question for another day, one far away from now.

Hyung, hyung, hyung—the word falls so heavily. This is one of the few places Hakyeon can’t follow, one of the few things he can’t do anything about, but Taekwoon isn’t bothered by making the journey alone. Hakyeon has come so far already to meet Taekwoon where she is. Some days, Taekwoon isn’t bothered in the slightest, snapping back playfully when the kids get noisy, when the atmosphere gets too loud. But today isn’t one of those days, and she is tired.

‘Yaja time,’ Hakyeon says, and his voice cuts through the fog. ‘You guys can nag me all you want.’ Taekwoon looks up to see Jaehwan almost protest, but there’s a light in Sanghyuk’s eyes that wasn’t there before, and Hongbin and Wonshik have stopped eating and are now watching Hakyeon with interest. ‘Sanghyuk hyung,’ he says, and Taekwoon freezes, staring at Hakyeon from the corner of her eye, but Hakyeon’s gaze is resolute, fixed on where Sanghyuk has started to stroke his chin thoughtfully, comically. Hakyeon’s hand falls on Taekwoon’s knee, and he squeezes gently, knocking their feet together under the table.

Taekwoon gets out of the bulk of the work by glaring, passing her tasks off onto Hakyeon before slipping away to perch at the end of the table. Hakyeon works without complaint, carrying out every silly task the kids set for him, and Taekwoon feels her heart warm. She doesn’t always feel this vulnerable, but she hasn’t been able to spend time with Hakyeon alone for a while, not with their conflicting schedules and Hakyeon working more hours than any reasonable human should. Sometimes she wishes they could quit it all and run away somewhere, hidden away along the coastline where no one would remember them as VIXX’s N and Leo, but as Hakyeon and Taekwoon, from the house down the road. Maybe run a bed and breakfast, or a seaside hotel, and share a room with a proper bed and keep their clothes in a shared closet, side by side.

Instead, Taekwoon tries to commit to memory every act of kindness Hakyeon does for her, tries to line her bones with the feelings of warmth they give off and the way they make Taekwoon feel safe and cared for. She listens to Hakyeon and Jaehwan call the smallest kids hyung, hyungnim, and tries not to laugh when Hongbin pushes Hakyeon into a deep bow, sprawled across the floor.

‘Want to join, Taekwoon-ah?’ Wonshik asks, and Taekwoon shakes her head firmly, smiling when she sees Hakyeon glare at her from the floor half heartedly. When Jaehwan tries to join in, knocking his elbow against Taekwoon’s with a laugh, Sanghyuk trips him and sends him sprawled next to Hakyeon.

‘Leave our Taekwoonie alone,’ he says, and Jaehwan swears, rubbing his scraped palms together ￼while the kids laugh. Taekwoon tries to hide a laugh before making her way to the table to clear up plates. Maybe if she makes herself useful, they won’t try again.

\---

When Taekwoon wakes, his shoulders feel less stiff than they have in a while. They haven’t had a free day in weeks, but today—today there is nothing to do but spend time with Hakyeon. He stretches out, sinking back against the bedrolls, with a sigh, watching the rise and fall of Hakyeon’s chest where he’s pressed against Taekwoon’s side, a small line of drool stretching between the corner of his mouth and the pillow beneath his head. They’re home, alone in the quiet of the dorm, the kids staying with their families. It’s too far for Hakyeon to go home, so Taekwoon stayed. And here they are.

‘Taekwoonie,’ Hakyeon mutters, and Taekwoon lifts his head to peer down at Hakyeon, the way he blinks up at Taekwoon through his overgrown fringe. ‘What time is it?'

There isn’t a clock beside them, so Taekwoon doesn’t reply, choosing instead to pull Hakyeon closer and press his lips to the crown of Hakyeon’s head. Hakyeon sighs, curling into Taekwoon, his cold hands making their way across Taekwoon’s stomach and causing Taekwoon to jolt away momentarily before pulling Hakyeon as close as he can. They’re exhausted, but it’s Thursday, and they have nowhere to be until Monday. It feels like infinity held in Taekwoon’s outstretched hands.

‘Do you have somewhere you have to be, Woonie?’ Taekwoon shakes his head, his fingers stroking along the stretch of skin along Hakyeon’s lower back that his shirt doesn’t quite cover. When his hands still, Hakyeon’s head knocks against Taekwoon’s shoulder. ‘Is today a boy day?’ Hakyeon asks quietly and Taekwoon nods. Hakyeon doesn’t usually ask, he usually picks up on where Taekwoon is at without Taekwoon having to say anything, but Hakyeon looks vulnerable today, as though he is caught somewhere between where they are in that moment and the day before, when the CEO had burdened Hakyeon alone with their collective failings. 

Sometimes Taekwoon wonders how he got so lucky as to be the one Hakyeon trusts enough for this; the quiet moments where everything falls away and he’s just Hakyeon, the boy who still doesn’t know what he wants to become.

Taekwoon wonders sometimes if he isn’t too much for Hakyeon, if maybe Hakyeon shouldn’t find someone more predictable, someone who isn’t a constant state of flux. Taekwoon used to feel like he had to know exactly who he was in every moment—that when his boy days stretched from weeks to months, he was just lying to himself when he felt anything different, only to feel his stomach twist when he felt torn between two identities over the course of eating his lunch. Sometimes, it feels as though he is neither, and those are the days he worries about most. He doesn’t know who he is, but at the same time he knows exactly who he is, but it is difficult to let others in, put how he is feeling into words, and Hakyeon, Hakyeon exists in words and sounds and too loud laughter that sometimes threatens to drown Taekwoon completely.

Still, Hakyeon stays, as does Taekwoon. Hakyeon comes to find him, even when Taekwoon is at the bottom of everything, and sits with him, staying with Taekwoon even when Taekwon thinks he might pull himself apart.

‘I want my boyfriend to fuck me through the floor today,’ Hakyeon whispers, his lips catching on the skin of Taekwoon’s throat, and Taekwoon shivers. ‘Then bring me tea and food when I can’t move.’ When Taekwoon moves to sit up, Hakyeon tightens his grip, bringing Taekwoon back down against the bedrolls. ‘Later,’ Hakyeon says before pressing a kiss to Taekwoon’s collarbone. ‘Right now, I just want to be here with you.’

Taekwoon twists onto his side, opening his arms for Hakyeon to slip closer, work his arms around Taekwoon and press his face to Taekwoon’s chest. Hakyeon’s breathing eventually evens out, his body relaxing as he slips back into sleep, but Taekwoon can’t quite manage it. Things used to be very concrete for Taekwoon; he would fuck Hakyeon and Hakyeon would fuck her. Things had a balance, Taekwoon always felt sure. Then things slowly began to shift—she would fuck Hakyeon, make him beg for her cock, only to be on his knees and keening for Hakyeon’s cock within the fortnight—and while Hakyeon hadn’t said anything, had followed Taekwoon’s lead, they both knew something was changing.

Hakyeon still hasn’t said anything, and Taekwoon is somehow grateful. Instead, they work through it together. Now, Hakyeon sometimes gets a glint in his eyes, one that Taekwoon has learned to associate with trouble, and leans over and whispers noona, his voice breathy and light, it takes everything Taekwoon has to not sink to his knees and fuck Hakyeon wherever they are. They learned early on that being called oppa turned Hakyeon on, something Taekwoon never quite understood. But now, when Hakyeon turns to Taekwoon with noona or hyung on his lips, begging to be pushed around, Taekwoon thinks he finally understands.

He hasn’t fucked Hakyeon in weeks. There hasn’t been any particular reason. Taekwoon misses the feeling of Hakyeon around his cock, the way he looks up at Taekwoon as though he thought no one would ever want him like this. Taekwoon thinks maybe that’s why they fit so well together, why he fell into Hakyeon’s orbit and never left—they need each other, and neither of them can quite express why.

Hakyeon mutters in his sleep and Taekwoon relaxes against the bed, presses his lips to the top of Hakyeon’s head as Hakyeon burrows closer. Even in sleep, he finds Taekwoon, goes to where Taekwoon is without ever asking Taekwoon to do the same. Things could have been complicated, Taekwoon thinks; he knows that most people wouldn’t be as understanding, stay with him as he struggled to figure things out in his head. The things he feels are beyond words, but he and Hakyeon still try to find terms for them to use, terms that might not work for others but that work for them and keep them on the same page.

He’s Hakyeon’s in a way he’s never been anyone else’s, and Hakyeon is Taekwoon’s. Now, in the morning light, Taekwoon shifts slightly, trying to pull Hakyeon closer to his body, wrapping one of his legs around Hakyeon’s waist. He’s getting hard just from the proximity, from the warmth Hakyeon exudes, but all he wants is to be part of Hakyeon, an extension of his body and mind. Hakyeon whispers something else, his face pressed against Taekwoon’s chest, and Taekwoon makes a small noise of agreement. When Hakyeon doesn’t respond, Taekwoon smiles.

He falls asleep to the sound of Hakyeon breathing, knowing he is exactly where he belongs.


End file.
